did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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