hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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