I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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