I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
