I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
