maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
