I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
