you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
