i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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