They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
