ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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