The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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