If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
