I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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