I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it's like iHOP with fire
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
