just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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