yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
