Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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