i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
