I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
