i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
