my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
