I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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