she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
