What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
