where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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