on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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