I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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