I can text with my tongue
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am naked and annoyed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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