I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
