She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
