Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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