Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
