it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
