A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
