Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
