Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
