Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
