He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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