your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
