ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
