i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
