I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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