dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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