The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
