I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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