he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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