Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
