Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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