I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
