I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
